Have you improved the way you deal with that difficult person?
January 28, 2008
Question 2: Have you dealt effectively with a person in your life who used to “get to you”, i.e., made you feel very frustrated or deflated?
Today a client told me she used the techniques we discussed last week to deal with a boss who was nice one minute and lashed out the next, and who made last minute demands all the time. She said: “Twice she did those things that drive me crazy, and I did just what you said. And this time she didn’t bother me at all, I was ‘detached’. Those behaviors of getting sucked in and taking it personally - I hadn’t been able to shake those since childhood, and this time I just didn’t do them. I’m free!”
Is there someone who plays an important role in your world who is difficult to deal with? Does this person make you experience a lot of negative energy?
-Maybe it’s a boss who is mean and erratic, or one who makes last minute demands you don’t feel you can turn down. Or a boss who doesn’t take the actions to get the resources you need to accomplish their demands.
-Maybe it is an assistant or employee you’ve nagged yet still doesn’t perform up to the standard your business needs to succeed.
-Maybe it’s a person in senior management who singles you out in meetings, and makes you feel intimidated.
-Maybe it’s a business partner or a difficult client that doesn’t play trustworthy yet you don’t feel you can let go of.
-Maybe its even your spouse with whom you try to be reasonable yet you end up feeling criticized.
They don’t listen, you don’t feel heard. You try and try but don’t know how to make them act different. You spend a lot of time feeling frustrated and a lot of time wishing they would be more agreeable or more high performing. You are worried you don’t have control over some key things that will determine your income and future. You try not to but you can feel that you take it home with you at the end of the day, it makes you moody.
If you are putting up this kind of situation without dealing effectively with it, it’s a sure sign that you are interfering with your own success.
Here’s a hint about what you need to ‘get’ about these situations. Other people will keep doing things the same way because its YOUR problem they are acting this way, its not their problem. Nothing will change as long as you are the one who is facing the consequences of their behavior, not them.
- Where in your life do you face such a person who brings this kind of negative energy?
- How can you shift the situation so that the person who disempowers you experiences their behavior as a problem too, not just you?
- If you had confidence that you would land on your feet in a next career step or with another employee, how would you act differently than you are now?
- What information would you need to have in order to determine that the situation is never going to change and therefore you need to get out?
If you have not dealt effectively with someone who bring negative energy to your life, you are blocking yourself from monetizing your talents. You can learn the tools to move past such a situation within two months by joining my course “From Comfort Zone to Confidence Zone” in NYC starting in March. Learn more here…
To give you a taste of the power of this workshop, I will be holding a free preview teleseminar on February 12. Go to sharonmelnick.com/preview
(*FYI, in the next few months I will do a teleseminar on this topic, in which I’ll spill the beans with the exact secrets I give my clients to turn these situations around on a dime. Keep checking the blog for the details…)
Do You Have It Or Don’t You?
January 19, 2008
(Over the next several days I will write out some questions you can ask yourself to determine whether you have been blocking yourself from being as effective as you can be– and thus preventing yourself from having the financial success and the sense of satisfaction your want for your life.)
Question 1: When you walk into the room with a prospect, client, or person in a senior management position, do you have confidence you are “enough” and that you will say smart things?
If you do, you will be able to take your business to the next level! If you don’t, you are preventing yourself from increasing your monthly earnings and expediting your next level promotion.
If you don’t feel a strong confidence when you meet with high level clients, you are detracting from coming across as smart as you can be. The soundtrack running in the back of your mind wonders whether the client thinks you are ‘smart enough’ or ‘good enough’ to do business with. It siphons away the attention you need to put on helping them to articulate their needs and how you can provide solutions to them. You may feel you need to keep the discussion on certain topics and deflected away from others – your client probably ‘picks this up’ from you on some intuitive level.
When you are in meetings with people in senior positions, you will probably hold back from speaking your good ideas because you will be concerned about “what they think” about you. You will want to earn their respect by making sure to only say comments that are ‘perfect’ (and just as important - making sure not to erode it by saying something you deem ‘dumb’). Note that you are more concerned with managing their perceptions than you are on making a substantive contribution to the meeting. Note the criteria you will use about whether to speak up with your comments or not has more to do with managing how other people think about you than about how much you are contributing to the bottom line results of the organization. (Oh, and of course, don’t forget how mad you get when someone else says what you had on your mind, and people thought it was a reasonable comment when they said it!)
Here are questions to ask yourself:
-
What specifically is the doubt(s) I have about myself?
-
Is this something to accept and workaround, or can I make a plan to overcome this perceived gap?
-
What one change can I make in my approach that will most significantly increase my confidence when I walk into the room with a client that could take me to the ‘next level’?
If you do not feel rock solid in your confidence when you walk into the room with senior management or with clients who you assess are “at the next level” for your business – you are blocking yourself from monetizing your talents. You can move past this lack of confidence in two months by joining my course “From Comfort Zone to Confidence Zone” in NYC starting in early March.