If you are putting out a lot of effort and not reaching your goals, read this to the end.
September 16, 2008
An insurance broker was trying to earn $250K/year so he could feel he was supporting his family well. He spent his time fighting his way through his ‘to do’ lists, he asked for referrals, he delegated more to his assistant. Business was flat. What was he doing wrong?An advertising executive told me how she had a relationship breakup each of the past 2 years. She said she was very giving emotionally and financially, she was attractive, and she was a lot of fun. Why wasn’t it working?
If “Success is 80% psychology, 20% mechanics”, these clients were describing the efforts they put into their “mechanics” (e.g., the insurance agent made his # of calls each day; the advertising executive was giving and maintained her attractiveness).
A 30 minute discussion with the insurance revealed that he sometimes doubted whether he deserved a seat at the table with his high net worth referrals. Having come from more of a blue collar background, he doubted whether he had ‘what it takes’. He asked for the referrals (i.e., mechanics), but inside (his psychology) he did not feel equal (and somehow his prospects picked that up.)
A 30 minute discussion with the advertising executive revealed that deep down she felt that she wasn’t really loveable. Even though she could point to assets she brought to a relationship, in her mind she would often blame herself for being too needy or not enough for the other person to be in it for the long haul.
If you put a lot of effort into the mechanics but have a psychology in which you doubt yourself – it will create a headwind, keeping you pedaling hard but not arriving at what you really want. My clients and course participants aren’t aware at the beginning of our work that they have a doubt that creates their headwind.
Are you busy working on the mechanics, but your psychology is keeping you from what you really want? When you “clean up” your psychology, you still have to pedal fast, but you will no longer go into a headwind. All of your good efforts go into getting results – they come quickly and you can actually enjoy them!
When the insurance agent learned practical strategies to move past his doubts, he had confidence in the value he brought to his high net worth prospects. With the same tactics, he grew his business by 50% and he came home earlier each day.
When the advertising executive rooted her negative belief out at its source so she never felt that way again – she began to enjoy her own company more. She acted less needy in relationships. Then she got into a very healthy relationship.
How about you? Answer these questions:
1) What goal are you putting a lot of effort into achieving, but are not arriving at? What are the three most frequent “mechanics” you put your attention onto?
2) When you think about having the dream you want, what immediately comes to mind about why you can’t have it? – this will start to indicate what doubt you keep defaulting to.
3) The most effective thing you can focus on today is your “psychology” – if you remove the headwind you are creating for yourself with your doubts, you will get what you want easier and quicker. What steps can you commit to today to move past the ‘headwind’ you create from your psychology?
If you know that you are putting out a lot of effort on your ‘mechanics’, and still feel the stress of not having the success or happiness you want, take advantage of the opportunity to be in a different place within 8 weeks through my NY area Comfort Zone to Confidence Zone program.
Prior participants have said:
Not just dreaming of the person I want to be, having it be a fuzzy vision way off in the distance, and being stuck in the mud – rather I am already being that person everyday. The course was worth every penny, the return on investment is unbelievable.
Jeff Winick
You read a zillion books and take courses purporting to help you get out of your own way, very few really deliver, THIS ONE DOES!
Solo entrepreneur
“I can’t speak highly enough about this course, it was life-changing. You come to accept yourself and finally have the power to use who you are and what you have effectively. You know how to deal with things and get immediately back on track towards what you want. My sales performance increased noticeably and my relationships with my boss, as well as with family members, have dramatically improved.”
Sal Padula, Berkeley Global Ltd.
Don’t continue to struggle, Check it out for yourself. Early registration ends September 15th.
Non NY area readers may benefit from teleseminars I will offer on these skills within 2 months from now.
The Real Reason You Dwell on Your What-Ifs
September 3, 2008
When you are thinking of taking a step out into your next career move, or leaving a current relationship situation for one that is more right, you may dwell on “but what if ” “What ifs” keep you held back in your comfort zone. You probably experience this as feeling fear, but I think what stops you is not so much fear per se, but what is ‘underneath’ the fear.
Fear is a natural, evolutionary based response to new situations, but “what ifs” come from your lack of confidence and lack of self trust. “What ifs” come from your lack of confidence and lack of self trust. If you don’t trust yourself to be able to learn and course correct from any mistakes, if you don’t have a secure feeling that ‘no matter what happens, I will make a good situation out of it”, and if you don’t have a strong and accurate appreciation of your own value, then you will feel a need to maintain tight control over and pre-forecast the outcomes of any new step. Your worrying serves this purpose. When you have a concern about whether you are ‘enough’ or ‘have what it takes’, it will cause you to put a lot of pressure on any next step, i.e., you will give the decision an extra charge because it ‘has to’ succeed in order for you to prove yourself, redeem yourself, or finally find success and security, etc.
The most successful people, to use the cliché, “feel the fear and do it anyway”, because they have core confidence underneath their fear.
What wish do you have for a next step - but keep your wheels spinning by generating lots of “what ifs”?
Use these 5 powerful tips to move past your “what ifs” and start having a career with more passion or a relationship with more happiness
Here is how successful people who are not getting in their own way do it. Each of these effective approaches stem from their core confidence in their own competence and value:
- They don’t tie their self worth to the up and down results that ensue from their decision each day. Rather, they are ‘objective’ not ’subjective’ about the results that happen, and see each misstep as an opportunity to improve.
- They too put their attention on ‘what other people think” - but on a different aspect. Their focus is on articulating other’s challenges and finding improved solutions to them, not on what other people will think about them in terms of their personal worthiness, value, or competence. Their focus is not self absorbed on ‘how others will think about me so I can feel ok in myself,’ instead their motivation is intrinsic and their focus is on how can I make my best contribution in their world and feel proud of myself for that.
- They follow the motto: “Ready, fire, aim!” Its better to put out a first iteration and constantly improve it with feedback from the marketplace then to not leave the gate at all.
- They have a big picture and a longer term perspective. While appreciative of the small wins along the way, they don’t necessarily need to have the big hit results within the first few days or months - they have self trust and faith in their long term ability to succeed and a sense of deserving success.
- They use their obsessing about “what ifs” to put any helpful contingency plans into place, not to stop them in their tracks.
If you are holding yourself back from a career with more passion or a relationship with more happiness, you could have the core confidence necessary to ‘go for it’ in 8 weeks from now.
“Her approach vacuumed my brain of a lot of cobwebs and I left full of new perspectives and tools for the life I never thought I could have… My kind of stuck was that I knew I had great talents that I could be using better, but I didn’t know how to do it. I was standing at the edge of the pool, thinking “what is my talent, how do I do it, should I” But now I’M IN! I’ve left my job and I’m Unleashed! I now have an utter confidence that I can pull anything off!”
Lynette Benton
Join other New York area professionals who have had unimagined life improvements in my From Comfort Zone to Confidence Zone program. Seating is limited for personalized attention. Register and learn more here.