The Real Reasons You Procrastinate
(The first in a series of myth-busting pieces…) In contrast to most advice columns, I think procrastination has less to do with fear, and more to do with hope.
When you procrastinate on doing the ‘big rocks’ in your life (finding your next career step, starting a business, writing your book, etc.) you do so to preserve hope: As long as you don’t ‘put yourself out there’, then in your mind you can continue to live in the possibility that someday you will live up to your ideal of yourself and earn the respect of people important to you.
You have an inner debate between the ‘part’ of you that believes in you and the ‘part’ of you that doesn’t think you are ‘enough’ or have what it takes. You are worried that if your efforts to take a bold next step don’t go well you will make it a confirmation that you will never be able to live up to the dream you have for yourself (or at least not without an insurmountable amount of effort). The “not enough” part will have won for good. That would lead to hopelessness.
Your procrastination behaviors are an effort to prevent the bursting of that bubble. By not testing your capability in the real world, you can hold onto the hope you are still capable of achieving dreams you’ve long had for yourself. You can hold onto the hope that the good impression you have made on people to date will endure because you won’t expose what’s really (not) inside. Procrastination serves the psychological purpose of allowing you to have hope that you will prove and redeem yourself in the future, so that you can accept your “not good enough” self and keep going for now.
The problem is that when you don’t put yourself out there, you also don’t grow from experiences. You don’t move your life forward.
Take Away: People who procrastinate seek relief. They get rewards by living in hope. Successful people seek real results. They get rewards by contributing what they love and learning from their mistakes.
P.S. I’ve started my next step…I’ll be done writing my book by the end of summer. Are you starting yours?
Here are some tips on what to do the next time you find yourself procrastinating:
1) Instead of drowning in “I can’t do it. What if?” focus on what you are passionate about inside. Reflect: what lessons have you learned from your experiences in the workplace, or in your life? What do these lessons inform you to do and contribute next; and what form do you want it to take?
2) Rather than projecting to the possible future negative outcomes, tap into how much you enjoy doing the activities that you’ll need to do everyday in order to have that final outcome (e.g., enjoy the daily/weekly practice of writing a blog about your subject, and leverage the compiled material for your book). Just set your sights on the next of small milestones you’ve set along the way to the big outcome.
3) Don’t make the results of your first attempts to make a big move forward in your life a “referendum on your worth”. Successful people have an attitude of “whoever makes the most mistakes wins”.
4) Work around your particular obstacles (i.e., outsource certain functions) and develop an attitude of being “an unconquerable force”: “I am commited, I do whatever it takes”. Make the taste of how good it feels to finally prove yourself to yourself far more powerful than the small relief of preserving hope in the illusion of your own mind.
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Sharon Melnick, Ph.D. ‘helps talented and successful people get out of their own way”. Over 90% of the clients who came to her to find their next career step successfully completed a career change within 3 months! A coach and psychologist affiliated with Harvard Medical School, she has taught hundreds of people practical solutions to overcome the blocks they have to stepping into their ideal career. Take her free assessment and find out ways you don’t even know you are getting in your own way or visit her website http://sharonmelnick.com.